So, I realized that I wanted to tell y'all (Becca that was for you) about how I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So I backup. I delivered little baby Cooper Ryan on September 9, 2020. His entrance into the world came a month early but despite his early appearance, he was happy and healthy at six pounds two ounces. My water broke with a storm system that came through (L&D nurses told me it's science) and I delivered in a mask #momstrength. Unlike his brother, I had plenty of time at the hospital to eat lots of food and not leave my hospital room (#coronababy). Charlie was nearly born in our car in downtown Boston on New Years Eve. But I digress. Cooper came home and we commenced living life man on man defense. That adjustment was hard. It's so true that one is one and two is twenty. We were short of sleep and patience but we loved little Cooper and his brother so much.
We had already decided ahead of time that I was not going to breast feed. This was a personal choice that we also made with Charlie. There are lots of reasons but ultimately, I feel that a fed baby is a happy baby. You do you, girl. Cooper was also diagnosed with a milk protein intolerance and acid reflux when he was six weeks old, which we were so grateful to have figured out so we could change his formula appropriately. He has thrived ever since. Anyways, this will be TMI but whatever. My milk came in after delivering and in trying to make it go away, got mastitis, a breast infection. Ouch. My OBGYN prescribed Keflex which cleared it all up EXCEPT for this one area that I affectionately called 'my patch'. An area of thickened and hardened skin on my left breast. At first I was chalking it up to the infection that just hadn't totally cleared up, but around Thanksgiving I started sensing that something was up. I was watching it, poking at it and hmming and hawwing a lot. Then the holidays and Charlie's birthday happened and pretty soon it was 2021. I had an OBGYN appointment once that I actually cancelled. But then on a Friday (classic patient freak out on a Friday) January 8, I called my OBGYN and said something is not right, I need to be seen. I cried the whole way there. Looking back, I knew. My PA Heather listened and looked and thought and then quickly said we're going to send you for some tests because we don't know anything and that's what we do from here. OK, God love a woman with a plan.
The following Tuesday, I had my very first mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy. The radiologist declared "Well, it could be something or it could be nothing". BRILLIANT, THANK YOU DOCTOR. DID HARVARD TEACH YOU THAT?! (ooo, sorry it did**disclaimer, I LOVE my doctors). I distinctly remember him explaining something and I said "so that's not concerning then?" to which he replied "that's not what I said. It is concerning." That's when I started fighting back tears. Not to mention, the biopsy hurt like a mother trucker! I left there feeling not so great. I got a speeding ticket from a robot downtown that day; true story. Shoot, I gotta pay that!
I went on distracting and working those two long days before the results came back. I got the call the morning of Thursday, January 14. It was my OBGYN saying "I have not so great news, I'm so so sorry". So many things ran through my mind, so many fears. I felt as though my chest had been cracked open and my heart ripped out. I shook my head yes to Michael, and we knew life would be a little different from that moment on. Cooper was below us bouncing and cooing happily as we cried and I shook. That call was followed soon after by the radiologist who did the biopsy, to give me all the gory details of my tumors. I picked up Charlie from preschool that day, he ran to me arms wide open as he always does with the biggest smile on his face. "MOMMY!" That right there is the stuff. The stuff that I live for.
The next morning, after my diagnoses, I went in for an MRI. I sat in my car terrified to go in. I actually, physically couldn't walk in I was shaking so much. I said a prayer, "Jesus, I can't do this. So you're going to have to physically carry me in there because I can't." And guess what guys? HE DID. I walked in, I stopped shaking, I didn't cry. I went in that little cold tube and I said OK JESUS, let's do this. Deep breathe. I kept repeating 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. He carried me through that day. And the next and the next and the next.
People, do your self exams. Listen to your body. Don't wait. If your healthcare provider doesn't listen to you, insist. Get the diagnostic testing. Advocate for yourself. Especially, busy moms out there. Don't put THIS off, it's important, you're important. If I had chosen to breast feed Cooper, it most likely wouldn't have been caught for a time after. God has a plan.
The aftermath was heavy. It was exhausting. I began to tell one shocked family member after the next. Many I couldn't even bear to look in the face or hear on the other end of the line. BUT I have an amazing husband and family and friends who have been walking right through the fire with me. All while keeping Charlie blissfully unaware and Cooper fed and bathed and happy. Thank you for your support, from the bottom of my heart. Truly. You cannot fathom how grateful I am.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Tata's for now,
Tara
Comments
Post a Comment