Thanksgiving

                        (Cancer 5k we did 9 days after I finished radiation. I wasn't intending to do the whole thing but I of course wouldn't let us quit )

Happy Thanksgiving, All! Macys Day Parade and Dog Show and Mashed Potatoes!!! Yasssss so excited. 

Holy shoot balls batman! I haven't posted in a while! Sorry 'bout that...little busy over here. Didn't mean to leave you all hangin'. 

I had chemo #6 of round 2 today. I'm doing 14 treatments of Kadcyla every 21 days. I'm also participating in a double blind clinical trial for a drug named Tucatnib that I take twice every day. We call it catnip. I had to sign another 30ish page trial consent today because the side effects list got lengthened. It's lengthy. It's a long one. It's a little disconcerting to sign...liver damage, heart damage, bleeding yada yada yada. That whole risk vs. reward thing but I will not FEAR!  I will start another 5ish year anti-endocrine drug soon that will block my estrogen since my cancer is largely fed by estrogen. I spent September going to radiation. 5 days per week for 5 weeks. So I did that.  God did that. I describe it as that scene in Oceans 12 where the dude guy is trying to get past all the lasers everywhere. Just lasers and that scary radiation sign on everything and burns and fatigue and things. Round 2 of chemo started August 12 so I was going to chemo and radiation some days. Just keep swimming. 

The chemo started causing debilitating bone and joint pain and cold intolerance which was extremely hard. It was hard to move. And as it turns out being able to move is a vital part of mumming and living for that matter. Cooper is a climbing billy goat so I gotta be on my toes. Ready for anything. After melting down to my care team, I think we've figured out how to manage the pain for now. It was demoralizing to think that I was only at the beginning and the side effects compound as we go. I have the beginning of kidney disease from the chemotherapy drugs damaging it's function. The kidneys can repair themselves so we will have to see what happens once I'm done with chemo. It's all going to be ok. And if it's not, that's ok too. It's all just part of it. God is faithful. Here's the kicker, even when it's not the answer we we want to hear, there is a bigger plan at work. He is in control, we are not. 

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster lately but we manage with lots of help from our family. Charlie got his tonsils and adenoids removed a week ago at Denver Children's Hospital. He really needed this to be done as his tonsils were HUGE and had been affecting his sleeping, eating and talking. We were trying to do this all last spring but I was too sick. He did great, surgery went smoothly. Children's took amazing care of him. Of course, as soon as we got home from the hospital with him, my sciatica kicked up and I could barely walk for a number of days. That was not good. Just keep swimming. Cooper started not sleeping great at night so I decided to transition him to one nap per day instead of two. As all parents know, this is a sad sad occurrence as you lose that time that you had to brush one tooth and contemplate whether you fed the dog three times already that morning. But also just another happy amazing blessing that the boys are growing. I turned 36 in October which felt like a huge accomplishment. I requested my favorite Thai place with the most delicious pineapple curry. Michael doing great and is in a new role at work and coming into busy ski season. He's such an amazing husband and daddy. 

Every day brings something new, some days easier than before but God has blessed me immensely. My hair is growing back in an awful terrible most glorious mullet. My eyelashes and eyebrows too. Chia pet style. Sometimes I care about my hair but I mostly do not. I certainly don't look the same as I used to which is hard sometimes but mostly on the other hand I couldn't care less. It just doesn't matter. 

an incomplete list of Things I'm grateful for (in no particular order) : 

a faithful Savior that cares for me immensely. my family. pajamas. my doctors and care team. dogs. cookie dough ice cream in a waffle cone. Seinfeld. Susie. Life. MOPS. My bed. Water. Christmas. Cancer (yup, i know, it's complicated) My body. Friends and strangers that have prayed and supported me. Toy Story. Giving. the Bible. Our cars. The beach. Tacos. Our house. Soft blankets. My brain. 

I'm tired and loopy and I know there's errors but I'm just going to post it anyways so sorry not sorry. I 'spose I'll at least try to spell check for you. 

Happy Thanksgiving to every one of you. Life is too short to fear the unknown. Go live. Don't skip Thanksgiving.  xo

Tata's for now, 

Cancer Ninja Tara

   

                                          😆 but also 😡  Healthy organic food should not be more expensive than a                                                                             hoho!